


Nothing good's for free

by GreenGlitchBitch



Series: Good Omens [7]
Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, And I'm also not, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Crying, First Kiss, Good Omens Spoilers, Heartbreaking, I'm so sorry, Love Confessions, M/M, Missing Scene, Panic Attacks, Scene: Soho 1967 (Good Omens), The Night At Crowley's Flat (Good Omens), very sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:14:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24327121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreenGlitchBitch/pseuds/GreenGlitchBitch
Summary: “You told me what you think, a hundred and five years ago” Crowley said, not bothering to hide the annoyance in his voice. But, as he looked at the angel, he immediately noticed the sadness in his eyes.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: Good Omens [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1621834
Comments: 2
Kudos: 94





	Nothing good's for free

**Author's Note:**

> TW: panic attack, kind of, but nothing explicit  
> Sorry not sorry, but this is sad. Legit wrote it in like, an hour, because the idea just came to me. Wanted to add a little more to the 1967 scene, because I desire hurt and angst for some reason. Thanks for reading!  
> Title taken from the song Home to me by Devil and the Deep Blue Sea  
> -How dare you love me like you've never known fear? You've got more troubles than minutes in the year. And a voice like your fathers tells you nothing good's for free, and that may be. But you're walking home to me.-

“You told me what you think, a hundred and five years ago” Crowley said, not bothering to hide the annoyance in his voice. But, as he looked at the angel, he immediately noticed the sadness in his eyes.

“I haven’t changed my mind, but I can’t have you risking your life for something so dangerous. So, you can call off the robbery” Aziraphale said, handing over a tartan thermos. Crowley gently took it onto his own hands, feeling the holy energy coming off the thermos. He looked back up at his angel, and the neon lights behind them illuminated the wetness in his eyes. Crowley wanted to reach a hand out and gently cup Aziraphale’s face. He hated seeing the angel cry, for anything.

“After everything you said?” he asked, and Aziraphale wordlessly nodded, not looking at Crowley, anywhere but Crowley.

“Should I say thank you?” he asked, and Aziraphale’s lip trembled as he shook his head, still choosing to stay silent.

“Can I drop you anywhere?” he asked, and Aziraphale’s eyes twitched, as if he wanted to look at Crowley, but didn’t dare.

“No, thank you” he said, finally turning to face Crowley, as the demon’s face fell. Aziraphale felt his heart pick up the pace, and tried his hardest to calm the beating.

“Please don’t look so disappointed. Perhaps one day we could go for a picnic, or dine at the Ritz” he said, and Crowley felt that familiar hopeful twinge in his heart. The angel was going to leave soon, and he didn’t want to be alone.

“I’ll give you a lift, anywhere you want to go” he offered, hearing how desperate his own voice sounded. Aziraphale looked at him, smiling sadly. Crowley felt a lump of rejection build up in his throat, tears threatening to spill from his own eyes.

“You go to fast for me, Crowley” the angel said, and opened the Bentley door, making to leave. Crowley panicked, not wanting to be left alone, without his angel. He set the Holy Water down gently, and quickly grabbed the angels hand, before he could completely exit the car.

“Angel, please don’t go. I can slow down for you, we can go at whatever pace you want. Just, please don’t leave me” he said, his voice breaking, feeling the first of many tears slip down his face. Aziraphale turned back to face him, and his heart stopped, seeing a tear streak down Crowley’s cheek. The demon rarely cried, and when he did, he never allowed anyone to see it. Aziraphale weighed his options. He could gently pull his hand from Crowley’s, and leave without a word. He could apologize, give some excuse, and go. Or, he could get back into the car, and console the being he loved, who he’d just given a means of properly killing himself. He chose the latter.

“Crowley...” the angel began, sitting back in the passenger seat, and closing the door. Crowley had not let go of his hand yet, and his tears had not stopped falling. Aziraphale gently reached up and pulled away the demon's glasses. His amber yellow eyes were wet with tears, and Aziraphale felt his heart break for the being in front of him.

“Angel, I can’t do this anymore. My life is so empty without you, but when you’re around, I just feel a stabbing pain in my heart. I hurt when you’re gone, and I hurt when you’re with me” Crowley said, the floodgates finally opening. Everything that had been building up in his chest since Rome was finally coming out all at once. And he couldn’t stop it.

“Crowley, we can’t” Aziraphale said, weakly. He knew what Crowley was trying to tell him. Of course he did. How could he not?   
“Why can’t we? Just because our bosses don’t like it? How can something so wrong, feel so right?” Crowley asked, still holding Azraphale’s hand. The angel reached up his free one, and gently cupped the demons face, wiping away his tears. Crowley leaned into the warmth and softness of his angels hand, and it inexplicably began to calm him, and fill him with courage.

“Darling...”

“I love you” Crowley and Aziraphale said at the same time. Aziraphale’s eyes widened. He knew Crowley felt something more than friendship towards him, but he never expected that. Crowley held his breath, waiting for Aziraphale’s reaction. He’d finally gone and said it. The one thing he’d wanted to say for thousands of years, and the one thing he planned to never say, had finally been said. 

“And I know you feel the same, please don’t deny it Aziraphale” he continued, the flood of words continuing to flow from his mouth, unstoppably. Aziraphale sadly smiled, and leaned forward, pressing their foreheads together. Crowley closed his eyes, and reached up his own free hand, and cupped Aziraphale’s cheek, his hand moving further to card itself in the angel's white-blonde curls.

“Crowley, please” Aziraphale began, but couldn’t find his words. There were too many things he wanted, needed to say, and not nearly enough time to say it.

“Aziraphale, you’re all I’ve ever had, you’re all I’ve ever wanted, all I’ve ever needed. Everytime I look at you, it hurts worse than Falling” the demon said sadly, and Aziraphale fought with every instinct in his body, telling him to lean forward those last couple of inches, and finally close the gap between the two of them.

“Darling, we can’t” the angel said simply. Crowley felt a sob building in his throat, and fought hard to keep it from surfacing.

“Why not?” he asked, voice thick with emotions, closed eyes welling up with tears once more. Aziraphale felt his own throat begin to close with emotions.

“Because I don’t think I would be able to stop if we did” the angel said, nearly whispering, his own voice breaking. Crowley felt the sob he had been holding back, finally break free, and he made a pained sound, as tears fell from his eyes once more.

“What if I don’t want you to?” he asked, opening his eyes, finding them locked onto Aziraphale’s. His voice was weak with too many emotions to count, and Aziraphale wanted nothing more than to gather up the demon, and hold him in his arms for the rest of eternity, Heaven and Hell be damned. But, he knew he couldn’t. 

“I’m so sorry love” Aziraphale said, gently pulling away, the demon closing his eyes again. He couldn’t bear to watch Aziraphale leave. He wanted to hold on, and never let go, but, he let the angel back away slowly. He heard a door open, and Aziraphale’s hand gently pull out of his.

“I love you” he repeated quietly, but loud enough that he knew Aziraphale had heard him. He heard Aziraphale still for a moment.

“I love you too” the angel relied, just soft enough that only Crowley would hear him, then he fully stepped out of the car, and closed the door behind him, walking away, and not looking back, until he reached the corner of the street. Crowley snapped his fingers once, making the Bentley soundproof, so nobody outside could hear. Then, he let out the most pained sob he’d ever felt, and pulled his knees to his chest, covering his face with his arms. Aziraphale watched him sadly for a few seconds, before turning and continuing around the corner, to the bookshop, tears streaming down his own face as he went.

  
  
  


Crowley unlocked the door to his flat, and gently led Aziraphale in, their hands pressed together, neither one wanting to let go. They had come so close to losing each other several hours ago. Wordlessly, Crowley led Aziraphale into his kitchen, finally letting go of the angel's hand. Instantly, his own hand felt cold and lonely, but he ignored the feeling, opening a cupboard, and pulling out a bottle of his finest scotch. Usually, he and Aziraphale would stick to wine, but after the week he’s had, he needs something stronger. He took his glasses off, and unceremoniously tossed them onto the counter behind him. He doesn’t even bother to get any glasses, he just opens the bottle, and takes a drink, before placing the bottle on the island between himself and the angel. Aziraphale wordlessly grabs the neck of the bottle, and takes a drink for himself.

“I missed you” Crowley says, without thinking, and instantly regretting it. Aziraphale remembers what the demon had told him in that bar.  _ I lost my best friend _ . He’d sounded so broken then, and he sounded no different now.

“I wasn’t dead, just discorporated” Aziraphale says gently. Crowley is clearly still affected by what happened to him earlier, and Aziraphale does not want to upset him.

“But I didn’t know that. Hell had just come for me, who was to say Heaven hadn’t come for you well? And then I found the bookshop up in flames, and I couldn’t feel you anywhere, and I-” Crowley cut himself off, feeling his voice catch in his throat. He’d suffered so much in just the last few hours. He’d almost been killed multiple times, he lost his Bentley, he drove through a wall of Hellfire, Satan showed up, and he thought Aziraphale had died. And to think, the last thing Crowley thought he had said to the angel was “When I’m off in the stars, I won’t even think about you”.

“Crowley…” Aziraphale said gently, setting down the bottle, and walking around the island, wrapping his arms around his friend. Crowley whimpered brokenly, and wrapped his arms around the angel's waist, resting his head against Aziraphale’s shoulder. He was trying his damndest to keep himself from sobbing, but then, he felt a hand gently rub circles onto his back, and once again, the floodgates burst, and it all came out at once. He pulled Aziraphale as close to him as physically possible, and sobbed. He hadn’t cried at the bar, because he didn’t allow himself to. If he’d cried, that would have only allowed himself to believe that Aziraphale was gone. So, he bottled up the emotions he’d felt. But, that bottle had gotten shaken so many times since then, it’s a wonder it hadn’t exploded before now.

“It’s alright dear. I’m here. We’re safe” Aziraphale said, and Crowley pulled away, stepping out of Aziraphale’s embrace, and wrapping his arms tightly around himself. Aziraphale realized with a start, that Crowley was trying to hide himself, keep himself away from the world. All those times something terrible had happened to the demon, and Aziraphale hadn’t been there. Was this how he calmed himself down?

“No. We’re not safe, because now that we’ve saved the world, Heaven and Hell are going to have us killed for treason. We’ve got maybe, 7 hours left to live! We saved the world we loved, so we could continue living here, and loving it, only to be killed right after!” Crowley said, the panic building in his voice, as he started hyperventilation. Aziraphale realized that Crowley was about to have a panic attack, and he needed to calm him down.

“Crowley, we have the answer. Agnes Nutter’s prophecy tells us exactly what we need to do. Heaven will surely try to execute me with Hellfire, and Hell will use Holy Water on you. If we swapped corporations, we could save each other” Aziraphale said, gently walking up to Crowley, and placing a hand on his arm. The demon spun around to face him, his face wet with tears, his golden eyes wide with fear, all the whites of his eyes gone.

“What if you’re wrong? I can’t lose you again. I lived in a world where I thought you were dead, and I never want to live like that again, Aziraphale. Don’t ask that of me” Crowley said, voice breaking, arms still wrapped around himself. Aziraphale gently reached up a hand, and cupped the demon's face, wiping away his tears. Crowley involuntarily leaned into the warmth and softness of Aziraphale’s hand. He couldn’t help it. That small gesture began to calm him down, and his breathing began to even out. Both the angel and the demon began to realize that they had been in this position before, 52 years ago.

“I would never let anything happen to you, my darling” Aziraphael said, and Crowley’s heart skipped a beat. He felt Aziraphale gently pull his head down, meeting their foreheads together, and it was just like it had been in the Bentley, all those years ago.

“Aziraphale…” Crowley said softly, closing his eyes, letting go of himself, and wrapping his arms around the angels waist once more.

“Crowley, you’re all I’ve ever had, you’re all I’ve ever wanted, all I’ve ever needed. Everytime I look at you, it feels more freeing than flying” Aziraphale said, echoing Crowley’s own words back at him. The demon’s breath caught in his chest, and he felt something warm in his chest that he had never been able to name.

“If we do this, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to stop” Crowley said softly, and Aziraphale smiled at him.

“What if I don’t want you to?” the angel asked, and Crowley leaned forward those final couple of inches, finally closing the gap between the two of them. Aziraphale kissed back, both of his hands finding themselves in Crowley’s short hair. The angel and the demon kissed slowly and sweetly. Both felt the desperation and need to show the other just how much they loved them, but neither made a move to speed things up. They had just about 7 hours left before they had to say goodbye, potentially forever, and 6000 years of longing, of want, of love between them. As far as they were concerned, they had all the time in the world.


End file.
